Monday, September 03, 2007

The Utter Inanity of Walker Texas Ranger

Several years ago, Chuck Norris's Walker Texas Ranger used to be all the rage.

Or so I'm told. I wasn't watching shows like that back then, and I can't be relieved enough. I've caught snatches of different shows before while channel surfing, and been entirely unimpressed with the supposed macho exploits of Mr. Norris in his capacity to enforce the law. Everyone seemed to think he looked uber-cool in his long duster, cowboy hat, scraggly "beard" and jeans which were doubtless given an Elvis-style customization so that old Chuck could more comfortably deliver those mind-blowing roundhouse kicks. Kicks, by the way, whose resulting impacts could both break the sound barrier with a resounding (dubbed-in) *smack!* and yet still leave the bad guy unmarked in any way. (Except perhaps a token trickle of blood on the face.) The bravado that leads him to sock, slug, punch and kick guys (who have already dispelled all doubt as to the fact that they are thugs, bullies and jerks - the screenwriters take care to let you know, "these guys needed it") and even the occasional girl, are beyond realistic, and it makes me wonder how the show survived for nine seasons.

I say he looked like a dopey goof.

I recently took a look at some of his exploits as featured by late-night television host Conan O'Brian, where Conan picked some good-natured fun at the snippets he was free to show after a corporate merger.

Conan Walker lever

Conan - Walker Texas Ranger Lever

Conan Walker lever 3

Extreme Walker Texas Ranger clips!

Some objectionable words are used in the commentary.)

If I hadn't seen the show a couple of times for myself, I would have thought the clips were intentionally taken out of context to make the show look bad. Fortunately, I know it's not.

Fans nonetheless compiled a list of hilarious "Chuck Norris facts" in his honor, sardonically painting him as a godlike superhuman.

Then word began spreading that Chuck Norris (gasp!) held conservative views. So someone stuck him with a computer and asked him to write columns for WorldNetDaily. One of his first columns dealt with the Chuck Norris facts, rather platonically.

Then some wise guy had the bright idea of sticking the karate star in front of Fox News Cameras as a subhost for Sean Hannity. The results were less than impressive...Norris is a fighter/athlete/actor. He is NOT a pundit, and he is NOT a novelist! (Reliable sources inform me that the book does not sell well in stores.)

Propping Norris up as a superhuman is funny. Propping him up as a deep-thinking, insightful conservative pundit is kind of embarrassing, and not really doing justice to Mr. Norris.



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